My friends, they love my intelligence
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize