Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
