I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
