Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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