he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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