proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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