Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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