May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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