is your mom at the bar?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
