Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dear god my vagina.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
