Girls should come with a carfax report
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
