Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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