so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
