Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
