no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
