508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
