Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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