All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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