dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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