apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
