Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
