just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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