you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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