my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
