tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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