I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
