So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
