the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
