id be glad to
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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