My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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