Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
