I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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