All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
