if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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