Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
