He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
