Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
