It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
