Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
