i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
