Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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