OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
