I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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