i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
