I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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