I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
