If i come over, it means nothing
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
