my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
