Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so explain again why im purple
no
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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