If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
