Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
