At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
