I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
