my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
