Well douche your snatch and let's go!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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