there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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