they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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