you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
