i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
