I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
