omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
