There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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