I think I just saw someone hide a body.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
