Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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