Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
