matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
