I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
