I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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