You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so that wasnt chicken after all
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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