i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
