I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
