Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
