out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
