Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
