I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
