I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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