No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
