like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
