I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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