she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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